In This Moment

I have to live out of an old black tote. Things thrown in them. I had time to pack better but being in the place where I am to live was too hard. We sat everywhere. The place of a memory of all the times I looked at you.

I will go back there and clean my things. Rearrange it make it look different. I will mosey along and do what I need to do.

I keep thinking that if I could do anything I would wish to turn back time. Would I go back to the time I didn’t meet you? I don’t know.

I do some things I am suppose to do. Go to work. Brush my teeth. I flirt again. I flirt and walk around with a smile on my face. I don’t see much though, it is all so fluid. Seems like everything is moving on a stream. Moments pass and I don’t feel them they just keep moving.

I don’t need sleep to function in this manner.


Getting Dumped

There is something to be said about how those around you feel for you when you’re in pain. It is a vulnerability that is palpable and they comfort you because they don’t want you to hurt. They know they can’t feel exactly what you’re feeling but they know you are hurting and they care.

In one simple moment everything can change. A smile becomes tears, sleep is deprived and food no longer has interest. Considering I was dumped, quite suddenly, my feeling is still hard to put into words. Everything seems unknown, everything I thought I knew was interfered. Can you love someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Who also lied about their fidelity and moral beliefs?

Just the moment before I looked up to him. I thought I was a better person because of him, and now he leaves me to fend for myself. He doesn’t care. Maybe he does but not enough and the pain is invisible.

This happens all the time apparently. 

Life, Uncategorized

The “Middle East Conflict”

I find it offensive that even I would “quote” the topic. Offensive also hard to define because I am not really offended. It seems easier to write about such topic, more specifically the Middle East Conflict, as it is talked about more in the media now due to the current war. Usually easier to start discussion on such topic, with Israel’s creation. To me, I am not one to judge the timeline of the creation of a sovereign nation (all 195*). It is one of the countries created in our lifetime.

The lines of Israel are subjected to the support of terrorist activities. The legitimacy of Israel was questioned when said neighbouring countries went to war to obliterate its existence [no refugees required]. These are famous documented wars. The accumulation of land by Israel, a result of these wars. Accumulation of ‘desolate’ area, where in other areas, usually celebrated.

I suppose the real issue is, will there ever be peace between Palestine and Israel? One can hope that the answer to that question would be yes.

The result of the demolition of Israel would be devastating to the Jewish people, a modest 26 million*, 6 of which live in Israel*, about .4% of the world population*.

As you can see the numbers of the Jewish people are low. 1213 – 1203 BCE* being described as their origin. Callus treatment of the Jewish people from the beginning of its origins throughout various subsequent empires, also famously documented.

The Jewish people being able to ‘rule’ over themselves with Israel, has been successful, and worldly successful through breakthroughs of science, medicine and technology. The world has gained a lot since its creation.

Still, is Israel and Palestine able to co exists?

Perish is the state of the Palestinian people. Unable to live with the same promise and prosperity. Using Hamas to support its progression. Seemingly not qualified for this position.

Considering we are talking about the Middle East, composed of 18 countries*, the leaders being of highly religious sects of Islam (minus Israel).

The requirement of the United States to bomb member facilities of the ISIS group in Iraq. As well as the worlds disillusion of American involvement in Ukraine, Africa, Syria, Afghanistan, most notably in the Nations where its own people are being deliberately massacre(d), throughout the Middle East.

I am still uncertain of the capabilities of Israel and Palestine to ever live in peace together hence my use of quotations to title such discussion in the first place: “The Middle East Conflict”.

The vast amount of history associated with that area next to such atrocious human to human behaviour is vast in its topics. Likely hood for Israel to ever be welcome in its continent hard to identify. Arguably of which, is the decisive component to ensuring peace between Israel and Palestine, a formable notion of Palestine and Israel.

* all numbers in reasonable range of accuracy.

Life, Uncategorized

Religious Thinking

Girlwadder is going to take the opportunity to broach on the topic of “Religious Thinking”. The reason for the sudden shift in theme is in response to a recent article published on 27/07/13 by the National Post written by: Rex Murphy entitled “The Angry Atheist”.

You may read the article here.

Rex Murphy dismisses all what he describes as “needless vigour” attacks made by Christopher Hitchens towards Mother Teresa, as she “dedicated her life tending to the poor”. He also goes on to describe Richard Dawkings as a “very bundle of anger and aggressiveness & fanatic about the intensity” of his claims.

He categorically describes Atheists by claiming they “Cannot stand to be reminded of the mere presence of what they have no regard for.” With a “Bewailing discomfort in such matters like ‘human rights'” Which he believes are “not ‘human’ rights at all but mercies of a benevolent god.”

It seems by the end of the article that he was quite angered in a request of an alleged Chaplin dedicated to the “non-believers” in “retaliation” for the lack of not having a religious organization to be attached too. He also declares to that idea by saying: “Funny, you never hear them wishing for their own hell”. Ultimately noting that the only hope for said non-believers come in the form of:

-Remission of Sins
-Occasional Fasts
-Lenten exercises
-Sabbath & sunday services

As offensive as this article was to me and really anyone who happens to read it without the exact same thoughts as he, it got me thinking…. what do I really consider Religious Thought to be?

Personally, I find it imperative to:

- Consider all points you come across (even Rex Murphy’s) as you wish someone to consider yours
– Always be honourable with strong humanitarian values &
– Always stay informed.

I am aware that there has been other plausible scenarios that do not require god to have been described for the creation of our planet. I am also aware that all organisms we know are adaptations to their (our) environmental niches.

Because of human consciousness and self awareness, the human neurological capacity to imagine outside of nature is truly “divine” – no pun intended.

Many religious scholars may argue for example the accuracy of scientific claims in religious texts – with special mention to the Quran, failing to conjure the notion that simple observations of nature & selective interpretations of scriptures could also explain such claims – and also failing to acknowledge that such matters of discussion were topics of gossip amount the intelligent during the 6th and 7th centuries.

There is no need for Rex Murphy to treat the people, specifically soldiers who wish to have a Chaplin to speak to, even if they do not subscribe to the same ideals as he.


Dating, Life, Relationships, Sex in the City, Uncategorized

How to Keep A Man Interested

How long have I yearned to know the way to Keep A Man Interested in me? I just so happen to like the “unattainable ones” so me keeping them interested for longer than a hot minute, was a rare occurrence considering I was – habitually single.

How many unreturned phone calls, texts and plan flaking on their behalf does it take for one to realize that – maybe it is you?

For myself, it took me 26 years to find out How to Keep A Man Interested. Long maybe? So long I live and breath it is better now than never.

We always hear about how “uncomplicated” men are – Feed him, give him a beer, good BJ, and you’re in. What that outdated Keeping Him “analogy” should say is:

Picture a brand new baby boy, let’s call him Freud. Freud is being fed by his Mommy …(amongst other things) – he is also being fondled for his small and cute demeanour. Freud eventually begins to walk and put words together like “moma” and “dada”. As the time goes by his behaviour becomes at a higher rate more tiresome to moma than the rate of praise she shows him. This eventually, starts to harden Freud (subconsciously – at the most part) on the outside. Freud is increasingly less able to impress his mama and dada with his antics and is receiving much less fondling.

[fon┬Ědle, verb, past tense: fondled; past participle: fondled
1.stroke or caress lovingly or erotically.]

No matter how much it may seem like Freud doesn’t care about that – He Dose Care.

How many years did I spend being the “elusive” female. The one who was “distant” and “mysterious”, believing that by allowing him to only just touch my body – was like I was doing him a favour. What I failed to realize was.. how un-fufiling a man “touching my body” really is to them.

These men can have sex anywhere and usually with anyone.

Men crave that part of attention his mom stopped giving him as he grew older. Even if his mom continued to give him some form of attention and undying support, there is a percentage he is lacking to reach 100% fondling safeness.

Once you realize the importance of showing him the praise, support, undying love and exotic fondling he is lacking (maybe you’re even lucky to have really nice-plump breasts to serve as a pillow for him) can you have the man yearn for you.

If you’re hot – bonus.

Dating, Sex in the City

Is It All In The Kiss?

Recently I went out with a gentleman, you know the guy who has it all together and is also polite – score.

He has a great job, owns a home and would get along great with my mother – a feet in itself. He was pretty attractive and is an active member of the community (yes he does charity).

We had a lovely talk over wine (a passion we both share) – he even wants to own his own vineyard one day.. wow one can dream….

We moved on to the next portion of our date, a board games cafe and it was actually quite fun. We laughed and I was able to impress him with my wit – which usually takes time to show due to nerves. No alcohol was even required for me to give him my best flirting techniques (minus the one glass of wine but that doesn’t really count).

Finally as it was getting late, he did the gentlemanly thing and asked to drive me home – and I wasn’t even scared to be alone with him in the car, so off we went.

When we got to his car, I was also pleased; it was nice, new and abnormally clean – as if he just got it detailed…..(def a million times better than being gross and dirty – some extra points). I sat down put my seat belt on and that’s when it happened… the out of nowhere – lean in – go for it kiss.

It was quick – as in all of a sudden, one minute I am buckling up and the next he was directly in my face moving faster till his lips were on mine, aka no way to escape – his tongue was like a poking water feature that leaked into my mouth; hard and very wet. Not to be rude I suppose I “went along with it” until I was able to retract and give him my “I am too innocent to continue anymore – even though I really want too look” (he still had to drive me home and all).

He made plans for us to see each other again; an evening of a late, fabulous dinner and a screening of a new movie… perfection.. really.. but the night of I had to cancel. I couldn’t bring myself to see him again.

Dating, Life, Relationships, Sex in the City, Uncategorized

Meeting Somebody New

What to do when you meet someone new?

This is a person that despite everything seems normal.. and bonus… attractive. So to pass up on an opportunity, as you know, would be crazy.

In order to fully benefit one must “act accordingly”…and if you “think you found someone and they end up to be a complete jerk then please realize that you suck at picking people”. (I still think there is hope for you though) -article coming soon.

1. Keep it cool – literally. Do not think about anything in particular. If you guys are going to hang out it is going to happen, and boys (you better make it happen).

2. Ensure that they treat you how they would treat their daughters/sons. Would you really want to be with someone who leaves their own child out in the cold for no reason other than trusting you? No, therefore if they act you that way, then how can you trust them with your own children..aka.. drop – on to the next.

3. For the ladies: be your amazing self. & please for goodness sakes put a smile on your face and enjoy life, when you’re old reminiscing about ‘it all’, you will regret being a pussy.

For further reading I would definitely recommend something written from London UK.